Remember having to write on the blackboard as punishment? I speak, of course, of the time when teachers were actually allowed to mete out reasonable punishment without fear of dismissal, lawsuits and general ill-will. So, if you began grade school much after, say, 1985, you might not recall this form of correction. Bart has to do it at the start of every single epi-sode of "The Simpsons," if that helps.

I remember it, and I hated it. (It didn’t happen often, Mom — promise!) The chalk dust, giggles and the absolutely insipid things I had to write (I WILL NOT CHEW GUM/TALK IN CLASS/SPIT LOOGIES/GIVE SEAN A SWIRLIE, etc.) really set me off.

But, the more I observe of my fellow man (and woman!), society, and, yes, myself, the more I start to think it’s not such a bad idea. I’m convinced that if we would take a cue from Bart Simpson, we might make the world a better place. Following is a list of things I’d like to see the specified parties write, 100 times, and neatly, during recess.

• My brake lights do NOT double as a turn signal.

• Montezuma Avenue is not two lanes on each side.

• Pedestrians have the right of way, even if they are crossing at that intersection at Montezuma and Mildred.

• I will not ooze right in front of oncoming traffic when I am pulling a trailer longer than most yachts. If I do, I will at least then go the speed limit.

• Road rage is childish.

• Sit-coms that belittle men are not funny. This is not what equality is about.

• I will use selling gimmicks pertinent to my product, rather than attractive, scantily clad girls, ripped-off pop songs or esoteric mumbo-jumbo.

• Someone beat me to "Survivor." I will not subject the public to another cheesy variation of it.

• When selling diet or "light" foods, I will not use rail-thin actors who have no reason to eat low-calorie fare.

• By the time "swimsuit season is just around the corner!" it is too late for most folks to lose enough weight to "look great" in one. I will not use this trite, insulting gimmick to sell my diet product.

• We will make our envelopes long enough for our order forms.

• Cell phones are not chick magnets.

• Bringing a cell phone into the gym only proves that I cannot manage my time.

• Driving and talking on the phone at the same time is moronic.

• Bringing a cell phone to the movies or to church is rude.

• I will get over it.

• Unless the yahoo whose ear is glued to his phone and whose bumper is glued to my tailgate kills me first.

• Putting makeup on BEFORE working out/swimming is a wasted effort.

• The 1970s constituted a BAD fashion era.

• Big hair is no longer in style. It even looked bad in the ’80s.

• Eight-year-olds should not dress like Britney Spears.

• Britney Spears should not dress like Britney Spears.

• Black leather pants look trashy on anyone.

• Body piercings are gross.

• There really IS such a thing as too many tattoos.

• My butt is not that great.

• Obviously, some of the above applies to me.

• It’s the tattoos admonishment.

• Just kidding.

• It’s really the great butt.

• No one really cares what my pet peeves are.

• Oh, well.