Teens and morality The best programs recognize the realities of immaturity

Teens and morality
The best programs recognize the realities of immaturity

June 9, 2001

The President’s 19-year-old daughters recently embarrassed him with two separate incidents involving alcohol, and critics are smirking that a good Republican like George W. couldn’t keep his children in line.

Perhaps the Bushes were too busy aiming for the White House to properly instruct their daughters. More likely, the First Parents, like most parents, did the very best they could and ran up against the reality that children have minds of their own.

Jenna and Barbara Bush, who seem to be normal college students, undoubtedly heard all about the dangers of alcohol from their parents and teachers. They also knew there’d be little mercy for them or their father if they were caught doing anything they shouldn’t. They had to suspect that people would be watching them. They did it anyway. If memory serves, so did their father, despite having the senior George and Barbara for role models.

Children do that. Then they grow up and realize that they probably shouldn’t have. They attempt to give their children the benefits of their experience, and the cycle begins again.

Attempting to buy liquor before one is old enough to do so is not really a terrible crime against society — not like driving drunk, for example. Laws against it exist for the purpose of protecting everyone from the immaturity of young people, but most especially to protect the youngsters themselves. Normal teens test their limits. Teens whose parents live in the White House have an even greater stake in asserting their own independence. It’s not very fashionable right now to say that kids will be kids, but they always have been.

Responsible consumption of alcohol isn’t the only lesson parents struggle to teach their children, who also face considerable pressure to experiment with illicit drugs and sex. In every instance, children benefit when the adults teaching them understand the realities of childhood.

The community of Delta is getting good results from a program called "Save Sex," designed to promote chastity outside of marriage. According to an Associated Press story, for years one of every 10 babies born in Delta County was the child of an unwed teen mother. Now the rate is dropping very near to the state average of 4.3 percent of births, at least in part because teens are realizing that it’s possible to have a relationship without having sex.

Colorado Gov. Bill Owens applauds the program, and all abstinence-based programs, but with an important caveat: "It doesn’t mean we shouldn’t provide other means of birth control for those who make another choice."

Owens’ statement will not be universally popular, but the governor is absolutely right. The recognition that teens do make their own choices — and some of them will always choose different options than their parents and teachers recommend — is the basis for a realistic effort to educate children about risks and consequences.

Children who are trusted with all the facts are more likely to make the right choices. Some of them still won’t. That’s why we have to say, "Don’t drink, but if you drink, don’t drive." "Don’t have sex, but if you do, use contraception." That’s why we say, "No matter what you do, you can always talk to me about it."

There’s little doubt that the Bush twins were told to just say no to alcohol, yet they actively attempted to buy it. Pretending that prohibitions will work every time is foolhardy, and not talking openly about the consequences of other choices is shortsighted. Public embarrassment is the least of those consequences, which range all the way up to death from substance abuse and sexually transmitted diseases.

Teens should be expected to behave themselves appropriately. The other half of the story is that adults should be realistic in their expectations of teens. Being caught trying to buy booze at 19 is embarrassing; believing that your parents have no clue what it was like to be 19 can be disastrous. Parents who disapprove (as most do) of alcohol, drugs and sex should be saying more than "just say no." They need to be saying, "Let’s talk."