By: Lee Pitts

For those of you who have been on the dodge from prosperity and believe there is no such thing as "petty cash," I have come up with seven creative ways to turn your farm or ranch into a money-making enterprise.

Milk it for all it’s worth. It’s part of our heritage that greenhorns, dudes and tenderfeet should be tricked, ha-rassed and cheated out of the money by those who live on the frontier. How handy, then, that two-thirds of all Americans dream of a country lifestyle and of doing things you and I take for granted, such as milking a cow. Don’t have a cash cow, you say? Don’t despair; a bull will do. You and the bull will be the only ones who know because the tourists won’t be able to squeeze a drop anyway. When the dudes are done milking, you can then milk them by selling them a $49 shirt that says, "I milked a cow." Either that or a petrified cow-pie ashtray.

Doggy day care. Puppies have replaced children as the preferred pet. But urbanites are reluctant to leave their dogs home alone for fear they’ll become lonely or tear up the condo. For only $20 per day urban dog owners can drop off their dogs to roam your ranch with other pampered pooches in a cage-free environment. Warning: Not recommended for sheep operations and beware of dog paternity lawsuits.

Get along, little tourist. City slickers will max out their VISA cards to ride old horses and herd barren cows. All they need to bring with them is their credit card because you’ll furnish the bedroll, the atmosphere and lots of cowboy cuisine. As long as their meat is cooked over a real campfire, you can serve squirrel, horse or jackrabbit meat. Just call it antelope and they’ll be perfectly satisfied. Hey, you’re never going to see these people again, hopefully.

A learning experience. City folks have no idea how food is produced, and they are willing to pay vast sums of money to learn. Easily impressed, they will part with their money at the slightest provocation. Urbanites don’t realize that sunsets are free and it’s not necessary to buy a ticket to see a coyote (any large dog will do). Turn that old tractor into a money machine by letting your guests drive it to the fields to pick organically grown wildflowers. Sell film and postcards in your farm gift store, and while you’re at it, ask if they’d be interested in purchasing the place.

Room service. Perfect for farm families who have kicked a kid out of the house recently and have a room to rent for $125 per night. If not, you can use the room normally reserved for bummer lambs and orphaned calves. You could let your guests sleep in the barn but their snoring may keep the trail drive horses and cash cows awake. Dudes from the city go to B&Bs in the country to "get away from it all," so you don’t have to spoil them with a television, telephone, indoor plumbing or clean sheets. To create a warm and cozy atmosphere, sit around a campfire, which also saves on heating bills. Your guests will thank you for letting them chop firewood.

Rifle and reel. Pilgrims are anxious to leave behind their eight homes per acre and 2.2 kids per house to come to lightly peopled places for the purpose of killing things. For fishing, any old stock pond will do. Hunters, however, will be upset if they don’t shoot something. Let them unload their gun on your cows. The dudes will probably think that because they go "moo," they are moose. The cows aren’t worth much anyway, and your wife just happens to be a very creative taxidermist.