Abuse is real

Abuse is real

Jan. 11, 2001

'Smatter of Fact
By Katharhynn Heidelberg

As soon as awareness about an issue is raised, it seems someone snaps out a "backlash." Everything from feminism to the health benefits of oatmeal is disputed every few years or so.

While dissenting voices are always helpful to refining an argument, and should never be shut out, some social revisionists do little more than aggravate the paranoid tendencies of the misinformed. Nowhere can this be seen more clearly than in the instance of domestic abuse.

Doubts concerning the legitimacy of such abuse claims abound. A common thread of thought is that victims, especially women, cry abuse for "revenge" or to benefit financially.

One wonders if Jami Sherer, a Washington State wife and mother, had revenge in mind when she tried to flee her abusive and manipulative husband. If so, then the "joke" was on her — she vanished just before she was able to complete a move into her mother’s home.

Steven Sherer, it seems, had the upper hand when it came to revenge: according to a Washington court’s verdict, he killed her. Yes, there was vindictive malice at play in this relationship, but as is usually the case, it was that of the abusive spouse.

As for money, just how wealthy are most divorced women? Although some do try to take a man for all he’s worth, the idea that women who end a marriage over physical or sexual abuse do so "for the money" is absurd. Once the marriage is over, the battered wife, who may have little or no job skills, must fend for herself. Alimony payments are nowhere near as generous as one might think, joint assets may be paltry, lawsuits are costly and getting the abusive ex-spouse to comply is typically difficult.

Domestic abuse can even be extended to non-family members. A young woman, identified only as "PB" in a Dec. 18 Newsweek story, was allegedly locked inside the upscale home of her employers, where she apparently worked without pay and was abused, both physically and sexually. If it’s money she’s after, perhaps it is merely what is owed her for years of maid service.

Revenge? Money? Most abuse victims are merely glad to have the chance to get their lives back.

In fairness, there are some allegations that have clearly been fabricated or seem otherwise unwarranted.

An outrageous example of a man apparently unfairly arrested for domestic violence comes from the Police Blotter several months ago. It was not stated if the woman involved insisted on charges or not; police are required by state law to make an arrest in most suspected domestic-violence cases.

The result? A man now carries the stigma of being an abuser because, when his wife allegedly admitted to gross infidelity, he...broke a lamp. The fact that he likely broke the lamp to avoid taking his frustrations out on her makes his arrest for domestic violence ironic.

It happens that law-enforcement is sometimes hamstrung by legislation, and it happens that men, women and children all lie. There are false burglary reports and fraudulent insurance claims, to name but a few ways in which our dishonesty manifests itself.

None of this changes the fact that burglaries do take place, that a car may be legitimately written off, and that yes, people do batter spouses, children and employees. Denying that domestic abuse happens at all is a head-in-sand approach best relegated to whatever dark age spawned such compassionless thinking.

Abuse is real. "Real" men do not hit or manipulate women. "Real" women do not hit or manipulate men. No sane person batters a child. Slavery is illegal in the United States of America. Abuse is real.