By Lee Pitts

Been to the metropolis lately? Downtown is boarded up and the suburbs are paved with parking lots for homogenized big box stores and franchised fast food joints decorated with mass-produced art. The cityscape looks like one big shopping mall. At the present rate of merger mania it won’t be too long before you’ll buy your groceries and your gas from one giant multinational corporation bigger than most countries.

Years ago, in a weak moment, I went into one of those warehouse stores where the food is stacked on pallets in a building that would have housed the small town it probably destroyed. I had to pay $35 to "join" just so they’d let me pass by an armed guard stationed to keep people OUT of the store. The allure was that you could save money. My wife and I normally spend about $100 each time we go grocery shopping but our bill this day came to $250. But boy, did we save money! The cornflakes came in boxes so large there was enough grain inside to fatten a steer and our dog had to finish off the 12-pound crate of cookies we bought. Even he got sick of them.

After noticing an ad in my local newspaper for a pruning saw, I went to a hardware store on steroids. After wandering the endless aisles for half an hour, much to my surprise I found they actually had the saw in stock and the shelf was marked with the special price. But at the check-out stand the computer rang up the full price. I showed the clerk their advertisement and pleaded with him to go read their own sign. He made me feel like a shoplifter. But hey, if it’s not in the computer, it doesn’t exist.

I’ve bought my prescription medicine in the same drugstore for years before it sold out a year ago. On my last visit I was informed they couldn’t fill a prescription for a drug they said did not exist, even though they’ve been selling it to me for seven years. When I tried to point that out, I was invited to go to another store, only to find that it was owned by the same company. I can’t really blame the rude employees who are working for a company that will probably lay them off in the next downsizing.

At a fast-food outlet I ordered a "combo meal" because it was cheaper than a la carte and politely told the clerk she could keep the coffee. The attendant insisted I’d have to take the coffee or pay full price for the individual entrees. So I took the coffee, tried to give it away and ended up throwing it in the trash bin.

I’ve been doing business in the same bank building for over two decades but the bank’s ownership has changed three times. I’ve been banking there longer than the combined tenure of everyone who works in the building. They have systematically laid off my teller friends to force everyone to use the ATM machines outside. And the bank has sold my name to every fly-by-night outfit that wants to call me during supper and sell me something, including my very own "personalized private banker."

Have you tried to get anything fixed recently? Your biggest worry is that the repairman will do more damage than he can fix. There seems to be a shortage of people who can actually do anything. "Craftsman" is just a brand name and pride of workmanship has been replaced with super-glue and extended-warranty contracts. I called the phone company to have another line installed and the "technician" knocked two big chunks out of my house. Fearing further damage, I said I’d fix it myself.

We are told by our HMOs which doctor’s waiting room to sit in and read old magazines for an hour before getting five minutes with a doctor so overworked he or she doesn’t have time to do anything but refer you to a specialist for more tests, the most important test being how good your insurance is.

Airlines? Forget about it. They don’t even apologize for overbooking, canceling or ruining your flight.