Generations apart

Generations apart

Nov. 23, 2000

It's The Pitts
By Lee Pitts

Where is your place in history? Are you a Baby Boomer, a member of Generation X, or what Tom Brokaw calls "The Greatest Generation?" Here’s how to tell.

The Greatest Generation: You are part of this crowd if you can remember when girls who had nothing to wear stayed home and the only people you saw with pierced tongues were in National Geographic. You recall when Stetson was just a hat, people who wore their ballcaps backwards were catchers, and the only men who wore earrings were pirates. You lived for decades without blue M & M’s, credit cards, e-mail, power steering and Super Glue. The only call waiting you had was waiting for a neighbor to get off the party line. You lived during a time when grass was mowed, Coke was sipped and pot was something to cook in. You managed to survive somehow without television, talk radio and Post-It Notes. Your dishwasher had two hands and you had to crank your car, tractor and your phone to get them started.

You somehow managed to live through Prohibition, the Great Depression and two World Wars. Your first "Cold War" was fighting with a sibling over who got to use the bath water first. You’ve actually worn a dress made out of a flour sack, used a curling iron, drank castor oil, applied a poultice, sat on a one-holer and used corn cobs and a Sears Catalog for something other than their intended purpose. College was not considered a birthright, "paradigm" was twenty cents worth of real silver, influenza killed lots of people, washing and drying clothes was an all day chore, only cows ate alfalfa, and black people had to drink out of separate faucets.

Baby Boomer: You’re a boomer if you’ve ever worn a miniskirt or hot pants and cardboard glasses to watch a 3-D movie. You remember when people dressed up to ride on an airplane, wooden pencils, 45 records, bank tellers and two movies for the price of one. You’ve played jacks, pinball, checkers and tag without lasers. You’ve swirled a hula hoop and poked Mr. Potato Head. You can remember a time when gas was 29 cents, a new car cost $3,000, birth control was bucket seats at the drive-in, and SUVs were called station wagons.

You can recall your stay-at-home mother saying, "This is gonna hurt me more than you," and urging you to "always wear good underwear in case you get in an accident." You can remember when Elvis and the Beatles were on Ed Sullivan.

You lived during a time when it was possible to flunk a grade, singers sang, bald men were not "follically challenged," pick-up trucks were not carpeted and dogs were free. If your jeans had holes it was because you were poor and not fashionable. You could acquire sex appeal from a tube of toothpaste, at least according to the ads on TV.

Generation X: You are an X’er if you know how to program a VCR, can listen to rap music, never shopped in a five and dime, were raised in day-care, weren't drafted, don’t know what a dollie is and wouldn’t know how to make one. You have probably never milked a cow or seen a live chicken, never met a Good Humor Man or been introduced to Will Rogers, Patsy Cline, Allis Chalmers or Old Yeller. You’re smitten with Game Boy, but not John Boy. The words skate key, tape deck, Mr. Green Jeans, PF Flyers, Route 66, Erector set, iron lung, baling wire and Bosco do not compute.

You do your surfing on the web, know how to boot-up, e-mail and download but not how to change the oil. You may have never caught a fish or known the exhilaration of the first day of hunting season. Your palate has never tasted Grape Nehi, Moon Pie, okra or grits. If a gas station attendant offered to check your oil, wash your windows and give you trading stamps you’d wonder what the catch was.

If you have no idea what I’ve been talking about I envy you. As a member of the next generation you’ve yet to create your own memorable moments and mementos.