Domestic Violence Awareness Month has come and gone without much attention, because the election has occuped the national consciousness. While Americans were debating about Social Security and the surplus, real life has been continuing.

Unfortunately, that real life has included violence between people who claim to love each other. Colorado Avalanche Patrick Roy, for example, was arrested for allegedly ripping two bedroom doors off their hinges in an argument with his wife.

In Breckenridge, 49-year-old Sharon Garrison was found buried in her yard after enduring an abusive nine-year marriage to her husband, Chuck, who now stands accused of murdering her. He apparently hired an unsuspecting contractor to do some landscaping that included dumping tons of dirt over her body, which he had wrapped in a shroud of plastic and carpet and then bound with rope and wire.

Continuing what may seem like an epidemic, Littleton resident Michelle Shoemaker was fatally wounded by her spouse, Mark, who committed suicide on Oct. 21. And early Oct. 24, Louis Anaya, who had a record of domestic violence, stabbed his girlfriend to death in southwest Denver.

Such chilling stories as these are repeated over and over on a regular basis across the nation and all too frequently in our own region. Sadly, domestic violence attracts attention only when it involves a celebrity or somebody is killed. Too often, it happens out of sight and out of mind.

Domestic violence is not just a matter of perception. It is not just a misunderstanding of men showing leadership in their families. It is the use of power, force and fear to control spouses (and often children), to hurt them and even to kill them. It happens to men as well as women.

Domestic violence is also not a matter of class, or any other distinction. Abusers are found at all socio-economic levels , in all occupations and in every faith. Battering hurts the doctor’s spouse as much as it does the spouse of an out-of-work laborer.

Domestic violence ultimately is about control, and abuse victims have been encouraged by their abusers to believe they cannot control their own circumstances. They often have no resources or their mates control the finances, according to Denver Bar Association experts who offer seminars on workplace violence.

Despite the state’s "must arrest" law on domestic abuse calls, some victims later decide not to press charges or testify, making prosecution impossible. Sharon Garrison is a textbook example of a woman who repeatedly was abused but reconciled with her abuser despite best efforts of family, friends, counselors and law enforcement.

Each reconciliation was followed by a "honeymoon" when everything seemed rosy. But then the cycle of violence resumed. Garrison once quoted her husband as saying: "I will probably live in a penitentiary the rest of my life and you will be dead." The latter half of the prophecy has come true; we can only hope the former will be required.

Those of us who are fortunate not to experience domestic violence directly can take responsibility by ensuring that support systems are available, and by calling 911 when we suspect domestic violence is occurring. We can assist victims in escaping abusive relationships, and we can provide positive role models so that young people do not enter such relationships.