By Lee Pitts

We were sitting around the coffee shop, when the waitress we affectionately call Rosie (because of her dim outlook on life) tossed a newspaper clipping on the table. It was about a study at Iowa State where they are trying to breed "friendlier" cattle. Rosie cut the story from the paper because she thought the resear-chers had it backwards. "It’s been my experience waiting on tables for 20 years," said Rosie, "that it’s the cowboys who need to be friendlier." (Maybe we had offended her in some way. Perhaps our tipping practices?)

As usual we paid little attention to what Rosie said, but we were really interested in the prospect of friendlier cattle. J.C., who is usually about as sociable as a freshly-shorn sheep, was incensed at the suggestion that cows are not friendly. "Sure, I’ve tangled with a few mad cows, but I think your average range cow is pretty agreeable compared to most people," said J.C. as if he was referring to one of us.

Thus began a lively debate on who are the most sociable creatures in the natural world. "I’d have to disagree with you J.C.," I said. "In my many liaisons with cows I have found them to not be all that fraternal. Although I’ve seen them reluctantly share a pasture with sheep on occasion I can’t really say it was a touchy-feely relationship."

"I had a cantankerous cow that let a bird roost on its back," recalled Bob. (We all knew Bob had a tendency to exaggerate and downright fib on occasion). "But I think it may have been because the bird ate insects off the cow’s back."

"That’s a symbiotic relationship," said the Professor, the intellectual of the group. "That means they coexist peacefully as long as it’s beneficial to both parties."

"Kind of like bankers and ranchers," said J.C.

"Or pigs," added Bob. "Hogs are so ornery they couldn’t get along with a sheep dog."

"You do make one valid point," chimed in the Professor. "Dogs are friendly. They’ll shake hands with anybody and their only natural enemies are fleas and fast cars."

About that time Rosie returned. "I’ve been listening to you carry on. Just look at you. Cattlemen at this table, oil men at that table and cops at the counter. You are all segregated by species. All animals prefer to associate with others of their own kind."

"Good point, Rosie," I said. "But have you ever noticed that dogs don’t seem to like other dogs? For that reason alone I’d have to say that dogs are disqualified and the horse wins the popularity contest as the most friendly farm animal.

"My horse, Gentleman, got along with almost every animal," I recalled as my eyes teared up. "He slept with a cat, ate with the cows and didn’t even seem to mind the smell of pigs. But one creature he would not tolerate was a chicken."

"That just proves what good taste horses have," said J.C. "Bob you look plumb thoughtful. As if you might have had an original thought. Care to share it?"

"I was thinking of what Rosie said and recalled the time I saw a Democrat, Republican, sheepherder, rancher, Methodist and a Catholic all together laughing and carrying on as if they really liked one another. I never saw such a love fest in my life."