By Katharhynn Heidelberg

It isn’t rebellion. It isn’t denial. It isn’t selfishness. It is an informed choice, and many women have made it: not to have children. (Gasp!)

We do not hate children. We do not hate women (or men) who have children, and we do not despise them for devoting their lives to their children. If anything, we admire it, but we also know it is not for us.

We are not cold, unfeeling or unnatural. We simply know what we want, what we do not want, and we are not afraid to say so. Not all of us are infertile, and none of us appreciate being told "you’ll change your mind!" (That is for us to decide). Even if we must be stigmatized in these ways, please spare us your pity. It never crosses your mind to stigmatize or pity childless men. Why us?

It could be that no one has ever assumed the primary role of a man is to reproduce and be happy about it. Men are supposed to conquer the world, or at least, to get what they want out of life.

If what you want includes children, fine. (Naturally, having them does not mean you cannot have anything else!) But please, respect the decision of those who have opted for other things.

We all have our reasons for opting out of the gene pool. Some of us live in fear of not having the patience, and harming any would-be offspring. Some frankly find babies disgusting. Others want to have fun and be free, while still others are simply uninterested. We are not obligated to justify any it. It is our business.

The majority might find these attitudes horrifying. But since they are genuine attitudes, isn’t it just as well that those holding them haven’t got any children?

When childless women see groups of other women chattering incessantly about their toddlers, most do not feel sad or wistful. We feel— rightly or wrongly — that these women don’t have a whole lot going on in their lives. They are not envied. Reproduction in and of itself is not an achievement — amoebae and starfish are capable of that much. Talk to us when that toddler is a well-adjusted, responsible adult. That is where the achievement lies.

No one is trying to cheapen the love between parent and child. But even the childless have one definite opinion about children: they are human beings. Once they exist, they should be the center of their parents’ world (not just their mothers’!) They come first in all instances. They come before careers (even if you are a man!), before going out with the girls, or drinking with the guys. They are not to be deposited on grandma’s doorstep four days a week so that you can have "personal time." You cannot assume that others — grandparents, school or government — will raise your children.

Children should not be had to keep up with the Joneses, who along with their 12-car garage, guest house in Rio and "Ford Excess," have 1.53 children. Children are not fashion accessories that you can store in a box and parade about at parties. They don’t exist to make you look good.

A baby is not going to save a failing relationship (especially if you are a teenager!). If the relationship is too much responsibility for you to manage, what is an infant supposed to do? Children are people who depend on you, yes, Y-O-U for guidance, and who need for you to be balanced and well-rounded rather than obsessed and narrowly focused.