By Lee Pitts

I’ve always been under the impression that the capital of most cowboys was about twenty bucks. But when I got off a plane recently in Dodge City a sign welcomed me to the "Cowboy Capital." They weren’t just putting on airs either. One whiff informs the casual visitor there are cattle in the immediate vicinity. Oakdale, California al-so claims to be the capital of cowboys and erected a statue to prove it. Anyone who follows the sport of rodeo knows that announcer Bob Tallman frequently refers to Stephenville, Texas as the Cowboy Capital of the World because of the high concentration of World Champions who reside in the area. Certainly Calgary, Fort Worth, Ogallala and Billings could also lay claim to the title.

I wouldn’t argue with the Chambers of Commerce of any of these cow towns and would be the last person to discourage this type of "capitalistic" thinking. We need more cowboy capitals to balance the buffoonery taking place in that other Capitol. But in order to call oneself a "Cowboy Capital" there are a few minimum requirements. These include:

The two biggest social events of the year are the annual rodeo and the fat stock show.

The local radio station plays both kinds of music: country and western.

There are more banks and bars in town than sushi bars and tanning salons.

The cemetery is referred to by the locals as "Boot Hill."

If you want to buy a truck from the local car dealership there are plenty to choose from but if you want a sedan or compact you’ll have to order one.

A local vegetarian group does NOT meet on Tuesday.

The local newspaper carries livestock market reports.

At least one business in town is represented by a sign in the shape of a life-size Hereford bull.

The Mayor wears boots, a belt with his name engraved on the back, and a bolo tie while conducting the town’s official business.

If a unisex salon were to open on Main Street it would be considered a sign of physical and moral decay.

Phone calls to the town’s Crisis Hot Line mostly concern the lack of rainfall.

Horses outnumber cars in the annual rodeo parade and kids of all ages get a kick out of watching band members step in the horse’s exhaust.

Due to the number of cattle trucks that roll through town the locals know better than to drive convertibles or drive with open windows.

You don’t have to sneak around to eat red meat, there are no local PETA or Sierra Club Chapters and the high school mascot wears a cowboy hat.

There is at least one steakhouse in town called the Hitching Post, K-Bob’s®, the Longhorn Bar, or the The Feedlot. Instead of "Men" and "Women" their restrooms are designated for "Bull Riders" and "Barrel Racers."

Cowboys on horseback have been known to ride through the local fast food drive-in.

The town does NOT have a sensitive side.

Parked pick-ups are not locked but do have a snarling cow dog in the back.

Streets in town are named after breeds of cattle.

Girls can be seen walking down the street wearing Wranglers® so tight a guy can hardly breathe.