By Lee Pitts

Small Business Owner: Mr. and Mrs. Small Business Owner passed on recently after a lengthy stay in Intensive Care. The lifelong community residents had operated the local drug store for 37 years before shutting its doors after a short but terminal battle with Big Box Stores. An autopsy was performed and the cause of death was diagnosed as "Lower Prices and Bigger Selection."

The family had been popular members of the community having sponsored numerous Little League teams, YMCA, Girl Scouts and anyone else who came calling. Many residents will remember the wife as an active volunteer at the local hospital and hospice. The husband was active in the Elks Club and VFW. Together Mr. and Mrs. Small Business Owner enjoyed their active participation in the Chamber of Commerce and were a permanent fixture at local high school football games.

They are survived by a multinational conglomerate who promises to offer a wider variety and selection from sweatshops around the world. The Small Business Owners will hardly be remembered by their many "loyal" friends and customers who stopped shopping at their store the minute a Big Box Grand Opening was held. No services are planned and in lieu of flowers contributions should be sent directly to corporate headquarters in a big city far away.

Family Farmer and Rancher: Having carried on a family tradition on the same ground for three generations the Family Farmer and Rancher recently departed our community. Precipitating their exodus were low commodity prices, bungling bureaucrats and a society that couldn’t care less.

Favorite family pastimes for the long married couple included gardening, quilting, helping friends and neighbors at brandings and making things out of nothing. They also enjoyed fishing and hunting together before that became widely scorned by society. The family was well known for their intense love of the land and they were active members in the community. She taught Sunday School and he was active in the local Soil Conservation District, Farm Bureau and the Rotary Club. They leave behind many friends and neighbors who are in the same boat. They are survived by five kids, 15 grandchildren and 26 great-grandchildren, none of whom ever want to step foot again on a farm or a ranch.

A quiet observance for family members was held as the rental truck hauled away their possessions along with a lifetime of memories. No burial is planned as they are aren’t dead yet. They merely moved to town where it just feels like it.

The Traditional Family: After extended exposure to an epidemic of greed, self-fulfillment and bad parenting, the Family Unit left us quietly without great fanfare. The Family’s parting was precipitated by divorce, day care, and disregard. Its death was hastened by parents who talked to their stockbroker more than their kids and frequently went from matrimony to alimony in three short years. Henceforth children will be raised by gangs, prisons, Internet Chat rooms and the Global Village.

The Family leaves behind countless sons and daughters without any idea of the joy of family life. No one will be in charge of funeral arrangements because nobody seems to care. Contributions could have been made to a church but the family no longer had the time to belong to one.